its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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