Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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