Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
