went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So much rum. So many feels.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize