Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
