community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
