I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Come share oat with me in your robe
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
