Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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