Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
