bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
