there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Terrible idea I love it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
