And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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