i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize