Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
