Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
