The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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