also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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