we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize