apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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