ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
then he tried to convert me to islam
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
