It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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