i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
