If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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