Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
