So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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