i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
