so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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