We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
