In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
