D3 body, D1 cock
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
