ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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