You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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