there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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