tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
