I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
