I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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