my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize