You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
