so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
