Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
