I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
