I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
