toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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