I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
