HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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