I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
