I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize