Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
