I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
