Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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