i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
