You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
