..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am one with the molecules
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
