Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
