I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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