You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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