saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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