i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
