did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
