we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
