Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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