I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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