I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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