i think i have herpe
just one?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
