I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Houston, we have a blender
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize