you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
