listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
