is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
