This is not my ceiling
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize