so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
bring money and cleavage
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
