we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize