We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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