but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize