Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
