i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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