i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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