things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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