I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
