Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
