I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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