So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
As shirtless as possible
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize