I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
