I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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