Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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