I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
