peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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