so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
