He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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