U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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