Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
