So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
