Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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