so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
