the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
