Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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