I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
