Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
