Whod you bang
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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