can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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