I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
