So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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