you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
