If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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