I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
