the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
