so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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